What Is It Like Being A Parent With Disabilities?
Disabilities add even more challenges to parenting
Parenting is hard. We know this. But adding a personal disability to the already difficult workload (and mental load) of a parent is on a different level. Our featured article was written by a mama who has a disability, and gives us a look into her everyday life.
I share my thoughts on (and respect to) those parenting while managing their disability in Just Sayin’ at the bottom of this newsletter.
And, of course, let’s all make life a little easier with our Recipes of the Week. That’s why we share them. Go, don’t think about, just make them, and enjoy your week!
Yes, I’m Disabled And I’m A Mother
By Lorna Duff-Howie
Isla’s new trick is to drape herself across the two couches in our living room, and kind of just hang out there.
“This is supposed to be a comfortable yoga pose,” she says.
“Is it?” I ask.
“I don’t think so.”
“Good. Sit up so you don’t fall and hurt yourself.”
And she does, because I’m her mother, and sometimes she listens to me.
She goes back to drawing and shows me her newest masterpiece a little while later.
“Look, it’s us.” she says, “Daddy with his beard, you with your big hair and your wheels, and me in the middle. And that’s the bunny you said I can get when I’m seven.”
Yes, I use a wheelchair. And yet it’s not the first thing my kid notices about me.
There’s my hair. She also says I’m funny and I have a silly laugh. And honestly, I wouldn’t mind if she mentioned my wheelchair first.Because it’s a big deal and makes my life possible.
I have Cerebral Palsy and have pretty much always used a wheelchair to get around. These days I use it for everything — including driving around our house, picking up Legos with my grabber as I go.
A few weeks ago, the kid ran out of toilet paper so I put a roll at the end of my grabber, and stuck it through the door for her. The things mothers do for our children.
So, yes, I believe the world should be a more accessible place, but I wouldn’t change my disability to fit the world.
What I would change is the ableist notion that my husband is my brother and my daughter is my niece.
That disabled people can’t be married parents.
Also, please don’t assume that my mobility changed during my pregnancy, that I must have walked before.
I was a wheelchair user before I became a mother, and my wheelchair doesn’t make me any less of a mother.
My wheelchair actually made early motherhood easier.
The crib was connected to my side of the bed, and I parked under my desk and used it as a changing table. And there was a lot of baby-wearing. Like, all the time.
I’m convinced this beginning accounts for our strong relationship now. I’m not bragging, I know she’s only 6 and parenthood is a work-in-progress.
And like any parent, I rarely get to pee alone.
When we’re out in public, strangers always ask my daughter where her mother is. “Right there,” she says, “And I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”
Before the pandemic, when bus travel was a thing, I’d constantly get referred to as “the wheelchair space.” People were surprised when I’d respond, “There’s a person in it.” And my daughter piped up, “That’s my mother.”
I’ve mostly always had a strong sense of self-acceptance. I’m so used to my disabled body, it’s so normal to me, that I was kind of surprised I had a non-disabled child.
I didn’t know how I would feel when she took her first steps. My happiness for her turned out uncomplicated, but my love for her isn’t based on her ability to walk.
She likes tap dancing, and when we read she sits with her ankle over her knee, because she can.
We have a family joke that when she stands on her tiptoes and twirls around, she’s just showing off.
My kid is so physical, and I am not. But I love her anyway.
My daughter isn’t a nicer human being because she has to make allowances for her disabled mother. She isn’t sad that I can’t run with her. She knows why and we do other things.
We laugh at the same things (but she likes farts more than I do) and watch movies and she says I’m good at bossing her around from my wheelchair. And we both scrunch up our noses when we’re mad, set our mouths the same way when we’re concentrating.
We go out and when she gets tired of walking I still carry her. Because I want to.
And because I have a lap she’ll never be too old to sit on.
And when there are places we can’t go as a family, she doesn’t wish I could walk. She only asks why there are more steps than ramps in the world.
I don’t have to cut the crusts off her sandwiches, I just have to make sure she eats.
I don’t have to drive her in the car to school and activities, I just have to make sure she gets there.
I’m still the one who gives her hugs and then suggests she might not want to fall between the furniture and break any bones.
And she’s the only person who’s allowed to suggest I try yoga.
RECIPES OF THE WEEK:
From warm and flavorful Honey Mustard Chicken to our Pork Schnitzel for Oktoberfest fun, our five dinner recipes are here to make your week easier and more delicious! Enjoy!
Thai Coconut Chicken and Rice
Ingredients:
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (or thighs)
1 cup jasmine rice
1 can (13.5 oz) coconut milk (full-fat for creaminess)
1 cup chicken broth (or water)
2 tbsp red curry paste (adjust to taste)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion, diced
1 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 lime, juiced
1 tbsp vegetable oil
Fresh cilantro and green onions, for garnish
Optional: Thai chili or sriracha, for heat
Instructions:
Heat the oil in a large skillet or pot over medium heat. Add diced onion and minced garlic. Sauté until fragrant (about 2-3 minutes).
Add chicken breasts and cook until browned on both sides (about 4-5 minutes per side). Remove the chicken and set aside.
In the same skillet, add the red curry paste and sauté for 1 minute to release the flavors. Add coconut milk, chicken broth, fish sauce, soy sauce, and brown sugar. Stir to combine and bring to a gentle simmer.
Add the jasmine rice to the coconut milk mixture and stir. Return the chicken to the skillet, cover, and simmer on low heat for 15-20 minutes, or until the rice is cooked and the chicken is done (internal temperature of 165°F/74°C).
Once done, squeeze the lime juice over the chicken and rice. Taste and adjust seasonings with extra fish sauce or lime juice if needed.
Garnish with fresh cilantro, green onions, and a bit of Thai chili or sriracha for extra heat.
Pork Schnitzel
Ingredients: