Being A Stepparent Is One Of The Hardest Roles
How do you create a blended family without chaos?
The holidays bring joy to so many homes, and sometimes (a lot of times) stress as well. Now add in all the components of a blended family and you’ve got a situation worthy of a holiday TV special. If only every issue was solved and tied up with a bow in 90 minutes.
Our featured articles tackle the pros and cons of finding your way as a stepparent, or helping your spouse navigate this new role. With a little flexibility and a lot of grace, it is possible to find a new normal that makes everyone happy (well, as happy as a moody teenager can be on a given day).
And this week’s FFP Quick Tips will give all the members of a blended family some direction as each person gets accustomed to their new household.
Be sure to scroll down to check out our five weeknight dinners that are sure to bring some warmth to your tummies as the weather get cooler and the holiday hype heats up.
To The Stepparents Who Are The Cornerstone Of The Blended Family — Thank You!
By Rachel Sobel
When I married my husband, I knew he would be a loving role model for my daughter from my previous marriage. But it was when we had a child together that I saw how incredible he was at being a stepparent.
Because the truth is, you never actually know how anyone will handle the role until they are in it, treading water with you, side-by-side, in the minutiae of parenthood.
You can have a million conversations about it, but you have to be living it to truly know how everyone will adapt.
My daughter was four when I started dating him. He did all the right things – engaged with her, fully accepted that she is my number one priority, showed grace when co-parenting schedules had to be switched and we had to cancel plans.
He molded himself to fit our life instead of trying to make any changes to our organized chaos.
He always jumped on opportunities to bond with her and make her feel welcome and loved instead of a child tagging along.
As a mother, it put my mind at ease and reinforced that I chose the right partner to do life with.
When we all moved into together it got even better and we built a home based on mutual love, patience, and family first.
Then, we had a baby together and I panicked.
I struggled with two extreme sets of feelings. While the elation of giving my first child a sibling and growing our family was pouring out of me, I also worried that he might feel different about this baby since she is his biological child.
Would there be a shift? Would there be favoritism on any level? Would he spend more time with the baby?
I was a heaping mess of post baby hormones and mom guilt swirling around in a sleep-deprived shell of myself.
While I was first dating as a single mom, I was petrified to bring another man into our dynamic. My divorce left me hypersensitive to so many things revolving around my first daughter.
And while her needs and well-being have always been at the top of my short list, I became downright territorial around her thoughts and feelings post-divorce.
When I remarried, I realized I had to reign in that territorialism to make space for my new husband, her stepfather, to be involved.
I didn’t want him sitting on the sidelines. I wanted him to have a voice as a parental figure and he wanted the same. Relinquishing that control wasn’t easy for me but it was crucial to the cohesiveness of our family.
Then something magical happened.
Not only did he foster such a strong sense of unity between our blended family, but he also started going out of his way to find moments to spend one-on-one time with my older daughter.
He made sure it wasn’t all about the baby, which is challenging because anyone who has cared for a newborn knows it becomes inherently all about the baby.
But he managed to do it and even the smallest gestures made a huge impact.
From quick trips to pick up bagels or ice cream, to taking the dogs for a walk, to designated nights where they watched “their show”, The Amazing Race, he proactively and regularly saught out opportunities to divert all of his attention to her.
To this day, eight years later, this is still the case. And it shows in their bond.
He is not just a stepparent who acts like a silent participant along for the ride.
He’s a mainstay in her life and a cornerstone in ours as a blended family. And he drives the unity just as much as I do. There is no division because he would never allow it.
We are not perfect. We stumble just like any family – blended or not.
We are always juggling our own schedules and needs right alongside the ones that accompany co-parenting. We don’t always see eye to eye on all things parenting all the time. We argue. We get annoyed with each other.
But we love hard. We protect fiercely. And it’s evident that our kids feel it.
RECIPES OF THE WEEK:
Thanksgiving is over, the weather is getting cooler, and we need some comfort foods in our bellies. Think warm Chicken Caprese Sandwiches, BLT Pasta, and Turkey White Bean Chili. Grab a bag of salad or some steamed veggies to go with our five delicious dinners and you are set. Enjoy!
Turkey White Bean Chili
Ingredients:
1 tablespoon olive or avocado oil
2 pounds lean ground turkey (or leftover shredded turkey)
1 large onion, chopped
2 large cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 large red bell pepper, diced
2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon smoked paprika
Salt and pepper
28 ounces diced tomatoes with juice
1 cup chicken broth
2 (15-ounce) cans cannelini beans, drained
Optional toppings: shredded cheese, fresh cilantro, sour cream, avocado
Instructions:
Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add turkey. Cook and stir until lightly browned, breaking up into bite size pieces.
Add onion, garlic, bell pepper, oregano, chili powder, cumin, paprika. Cook and stir until onion is translucent, about 5 minutes.
Add tomatoes with juice and chicken broth. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and cover. Simmer 10 minutes.
Stir in beans. Cover and simmer 5-10 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve with desired toppings.
Slow Cooker Beef Tips
Ingredients: